Should women pursue men? 

Upon having a discussion with a friend this past week, the conversation delved in to the proverbial:Should women pursue men? topic. My friend an advocate, me an adversary. After exchanging opinions back and forth, I decided I needed to research this topic a bit more from a Biblical standpoint and ascertain what God’s word says about it.  

Mark 10:6

But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’

When we start from the very beginning of creation, we discern that God first created male then female; hence the order, Adam–then Eve. Next, let’s go on to Christian courting. I don’t say dating because I do not believe Christians should date multiple people at one time, but if he or she meets a godly prospect, the two should begin the process of getting to know each other for the purpose of marriage. 

Genesis 2: 22,24

And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man.

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Beloved, you will notice that most every Bible verse pertaining to man and woman, almost always LEAD with ‘the man.’ Moreover, as we examine the above verse in Gen 2, it firmly establishes the fact that God “brought the woman to the man.” It did not say that the woman went looking for the man or the woman had to find the man. Therefore, it backs up my theory that a woman shouldn’t go looking for a man, but God will put her in a situation, without her own effort, to meet her husband.  

A perfect story is that of Ruth and Boaz. Ruth was Naomi’s daughter-in- law. Because Naomi’s husband and sons were killed, Ruth left Moab with Naomi to return to Judah. Boaz a relative of Naomi, owned a barley field in which Ruth worked. Boaz quickly noticed Ruth and inquired about her. For he was greatly smitten by Ruth, and ensured that she was safe,  protected and well taken care of. By the story’s end, Boaz bought Naomi’s land and along with it, won Ruth’s affection. 

So Boaz took Ruth, and she became his wife. And he went in to her, and the LORD gave her conception, and she bore a son. Ruth 4:13

Ruth was not only put in the position to meet her future husband, but also to become heir to the lineage of Christ. 

And the women of the neighborhood gave him a name, saying, “A son has been born to Naomi.” They named him Obed. He was the father of Jesse, the father of David. Ruth 4:17 ESV.

Continuing, if a woman persues a man, she will never know if the man initially desired her, was initially attracted to her or would have chosen her; or if she’s just an option until he finds the woman of his dreams. In the above context, one can clearly deduce Ruth was Boaz’s dream woman. Not only was he mystified by her beauty, he also negotiated with the elders of the city to buy her mother-in-law’s land, and in turn won her love! He fought for her! I believe a woman devalues herself when she’s the pursuer of the relationship. I’m not talking about merely striking up a conversation with a gentleman if you happen to be in the same space, or letting a man know that you are interested, but more so I’m talking about women who are constantly calling, texting, nagging, stalking and pressuring male suitors into a relationship. What you are saying is, ‘I am desperate!’ Men can smell loneliness, desperation, and low-self esteem a mile away! 

This mode of thinking is shifting the natural order of relations between men and women that God divinely created; this in turn is reversing God’s laws. And, it is slowly weakening the male/female dynamic. Women are teaching men to be passive as opposed to being the aggressor, the hunter God created them to be. The male/female roles are slowly shifting, women are asking men out on dates, buying dinner, buying gifts and financially supporting men. In turn, this is creating a devaluing of the woman’s worth; her femininity, her mystery, her desirability, not to mention her bank account! Additionally, this behavior is deprogramming our young daughters to not have any self-worth or self-respect. It is teaching them to devalue themselves by persuing men as opposed to being persued; as opposed to knowing their value and worth, that when the right man does come along it will be an organic relationship where both parties want a mutually loving, respectful union, and not that of an unbalanced one where the woman is the one striving, suffering to maintain a man’s affections. 

Women need to be whole in themselves before looking for a man. How do you do that? By learning how to love God infinitely first, only then will you know how to truly love yourself; and most importantly, know what true love is. With so much love for herself, she will know that a true lady exudes confidence, allowing men to take notice of her. And, if the one she has her sights set on doesn’t acknowledge her, she has enough self-worth to know that this guy is not worth her valuable and precious time. More, that he doesn’t know the price of a masterpiece. Therefore, she stays high on her mantle, knowing that the right man will come along and know that this one is different, precious, rare; different from all the others, a true beauty and too costly to lose! This is what will constitute a long-lasting passionate marriage. 

Proverbs 18:32 says,

He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.

The way you start a relationship is the way it will end. Why start off soliciting a man and when he finds exactly the type of woman he’s looking for, dumpsf you. Christian or not, no one appreciates what comes too easily. Remember when you asked God for something and it wasn’t until years, maybe decades later before you got it, and the gratitude and appreciation you had for it?

The following are tell-tale signs that you are not whole:

1. Every time you go to social events, you scan the room for men, and  strategically try to put yourself in a man’s line of view or direct path.

2. You cannot enjoy time with friends, family without stating your desire to be married. 

3. You are jealous of other couples, or is overly critical of a man’s girlfriend/spouse.

4. Get depressed, cry a lot, critical of being single. 

5. Struggle with lust, masturbation, fornication. 

6. Thinks everything is a sign that you should be married: events, newspaper advertisements, passing by baby clothing or bridal stores by happenstance.  

7. Thinks that a man is the missing piece to your life. You haven’t finished school, established a career, are habitually unemployed, are an adult living at home with parents. Have no goals, ambition, or drive. 

8. Always giving examples of women who chased men and married them. 

9. If you have to have a man all the time, it means you don’t like being with yourself. 

10. If you don’t like being with yourself, nobody else will!

Whatever we think on, dwell on, will eventually surface. As a Christian woman you have to be very careful in selecting a mate because what shows up may not be from God. You may end up getting used, disrespected or taken advantage of. 

A woman who is truly whole looks like this:

She wakes up every morning, happy, content, and can’t wait to start her day. She is thriving in her career as well as her personal life. She is happy and always smiling. Her life is full and complete. She stays busy working in ministry, volunteering, making sure her children, family are well taken care of. She is strong in her faith. She helps out others wherever there’s a need. Her life is full and has value. She barely has time for herself. She encourages and uplifts others. It’s not  about her, but loving the souls around her. She never complains. She always puts herself last: last to leave work, last to be served, last to eat dinner. She’s a giver; a giver of advice, time, love, money and hugs. Others wonder in amazement of her endless energy and inner beauty. She gets up the next day and does it all over again. 

Women, are you whole?

-Puja Nagual      

Soul Ties: Relationships

Some women may have dated different men over the course of their lifetime–vice versa–and may have noticed that each partner exhibited some of the same characteristics. Many in dysfunctional or unhealthy relationships cannot understand why they keep attracting the same kind of person. The answer lies partly in your spirit identifying with the other person’s spirit (meaning that both people are operating on the same spiritual frequency), but most importantly, the connection is sealed when the relationship is consummated. When you have a sexual relationship with another person, you feel a strong attachment to them because your souls have been joined to each other. Even though you may have broken up with the person, if you have not prayed over your connection to them, you have not broken up with the spirit that is operating in them! Thus, every man or woman you date thereafter will be a different physical body, but the same spirit following you through each relationship. It is called a familiar spirit.

That’s why the Bible puts such emphasis on fornication, immorality and adultery. We were not created to have sex outside of marriage. The woman was created physically from a man’s rib (Genesis 2:22), but spiritually from a man’s soul! The Bible says when a man and woman marry, they will become “one flesh,” because their souls have become conjoined. This broken covenant is the result of sexual disease, out of wedlock pregnancy, break down of the family structure, and emotional discord because of rebellion against God’s word.

“But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate” (Mark 10:6-9).

Moreover, when you commit adultery, you are not only physically sleeping with someone’s husband/wife, but you are also copulating with the spirit of cheating, the spirit of lying, and the spirit of dishonesty! Therefore, you have made an agreement in the spirit realm with whatever characteristics this person has in his or her spirit. If we define copulating: it means connected or joined. Therefore beloved, you have “connected” the spirits to your soul. Those spirits are now a part of who you are! You made an agreement with them when you opened the door to sin. Because of the submission to sin in one area of your life, you will be given to lying, cheating and dishonesty in other areas of your life. You have heard many a wives or husbands of cheating spouses utter, “He or she has changed,” they aren’t the same person as they were when we first got married.” The cheating spouse will result to telling lie after lie, and manipulating scheme after scheme to cover his or her tracks. They will begin to operate out of character because they are under demonic subjection. In other words, their soul is being ruled by these spirits.

Moreover, abused women often find themselves selecting the same mate over and over again because they have entered into a soul agreement with an abusive, violent, controlling or manipulative spirit. Oftentimes, these soul ties are made before a woman is even born; by the parents. In most cases the mother has married an abusive or controlling man, and the spirit has been passed down her lineage to her daughter. A lot of women feel guilty because they cannot understand why they keep choosing the same type of man, but in actuality this spirit is the one pursuing them!  It is called a seducing spirit. If women are not aware of a controlling and abusive pattern they will keep entering these same type of relationships. A woman who has been in previous abusive relationships has to begin to make a conscious effort to pay attention to the type of behavior patterns a potential male suitor exhibits. Unfortunately, many women will deem this behavior acceptable because that’s the male example they were shown growing up in the home. It is true, many women marry replicas of their fathers! Most importantly, an abused woman must do a lot of spiritual work to break this generational curse, and sever ties with this type of spirit. It will take working on one’s self esteem, self worth, and learning to love oneself first. Whether it be through counseling, Bible study, or proactive self study. One must become diligent in identifying what causes her to make the choices that she makes, getting to the root cause of her behavior, and dealing with childhood emotional wounds.

In my research and counseling, I have encountered many people who have been sexually abused or molested. Often I find that many take on the spirit of the molester by later becoming the abuser themselves, delve into pornography or, people who have been molested by a same-sex abuser often enter into a soul tie with a homosexual spirit. It is called a spirit of transference. In no way am I saying all homosexuals are a result of a spirit of transference, but a majority of those whom I have personally counseled; this has been their testimony. An abused person must do extensive soul searching and Biblical study to identify their true identity–that which God created them to be–to deflect the identity which has been opposed upon them by the devil.

Additionally, a good majority of women who have been abused or molested often turn to prostitution, drug use or promiscuous behavior. They enter into soul ties with spirits of self-hate, hatred towards men, or self-destructive behavior. There have been countless cases of gay and abused men and women who have, through years of earnestly searching for truth, found their true identity in Christ and have broken this demonic stronghold.

But it is not easy! The devil will fight you every step of the way! But know beloved, it is our birth right to freedom in Jesus Christ!

In conclusion, breaking free from soul ties is attainable! Don’t think for one moment you have to stay where you are: in a hopeless, dark and lonely place where it seems like you cannot escape a burdening sin or a demonic stronghold! God is a rescuer! It will take a strong desire and a willingness to want to change, and submittance to God’s will for your life. I am living proof of how God can come in and put the pieces of a broken life back together again and use it for His glory! Amen!

We must be very careful in guarding our spirit and what we open our spirit up to.

(Excerpt from the book: Don’t just breakthrough, BREAK FREE! )

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